Villains of Golden Megalopolis
Once Golden Megalopolis hit hard times, master criminals emerged from the woodwork to drive it even further into a deep debt. Looting it's remaining wealth deposits, these vandals continue to plot, plunder and prosper from it. 40 Ounce Antagonizer Real Name: Unkown Arch-Enemy:'' Himself'' The Antagonizer is a punk teen for hire, who's specialty is instigation, distraction, aggravation, annoyance, irritation and goading. For an added fee, he will throw in mocking and teasing. Spiteful towards life, The Antagonizer appeared on the scene, causing large crowds to riot and create havoc. Who his benefactor was is unknown at the time, and the cost of damage was crippling to the already ebbing city. On a personal level, the Antagonizer is a manic depressant, who can't stand seeing others prosper. He wallows in saddness, and only finds joy in bringing others down to a level lower than his. Operating from "The Mourning Fix" Coffee house, the Antagonizer created a caffeine chaos when he scribbled out the names of customers on coffee cups and wrote obscenities in place of them. Having been discovered by Bartholomew Westerly III, [[Black Pigeon (Comics)|'Black Pigeon']] and Captain Commander, he fled and continued his crusade to cause angst at a summit meeting in the downtown area of the Financial District. This caused the authorities to drop what they were doing and rush to the scene and pacify it. While this was happening, the Antagonizer then stole a dump truck filled with decaffeinated coffee grinds to dump at Giver's Dam during it's Save Water campaign. While the water percolated with the coffee, Antagonizer had set some dynamite to destroy the dam and let all the water flood in and wash the city full of black coffee. He was foiled by the arrival of Black Pigeon, Captain Commander and Spin-Man, who defused his dynamite stick when Spin-Man busted a windmill and directed the explosion away from the dam and at...himself. The Anatgonizer fled yet again with the heroes in pursuit, but escaped capture. Since then his greatest goal is to systimatically break-down the Poverty Pack and rid the city of all positive role models. He has yet to succeed... Barrell Chest Commutron As of this writing, there has been much rumor and speculation concerning the mysterious origin of the artifical being known as Commutron. One version of the story is that he is actually the former herald of Urbanus, Devourer of Soul Food Restaurants. However, Urbanus has not yet arrived in Ghettopolis Golden Megalopolis, causing many heroes to doubt this theory. Commutron himself has not commented on this, so it’s an equal mystery as to where this rumor started. It’s also said that Commutron actually began “life” as a prankish installation courtesy of the Paintaloonies, infamous Megalopolis-based art terrorists. According to this fascinating rumor, Commutron’s actual “birth” occurred many years ago at an album release party thrown by the once marginally popular “back-to-Africa” rap group Destitute Scholars . Apparently, the evil mustache-twirling magician Presto Kadabra '''was in attendance and located the Commutron installation in the “art exhibit” room of the party. Summoning his amazing powers of cheap stagecraft, Kadabra bought Commutron to LIFE before a startled throng of hip-hop fans already stoned and drunk. Commutron then promptly bolted from the scene and jumped in a cab, thus beginning his DIABOLICAL CAREER OF…..commuting. A variation on this rumor states that Presto Kadabra was actually given the power to bring Commutron to life by none other than Urbanus. But, like the first rumor mentioned, it seems unlikely for the fact that Urbanus was supposed to hit the city years ago. Armchair theorists who support this rumor maintain that Urbanus’ failure to arrive in Golden Megalopolis was due to the triple bypass he had to undergo after swallowing an Uncle Rufus’ Juke Joint Juice restaurant somewhere in the outskirts of the city of '''Greenstampington. Even though this particular rumor is somewhat dubious, it’s a bit more plausible that the first rumor. And finally, there is the theory that Commutron was completely brought to life by his creators – The Paintaloonies. As mentioned before, the former prank known as Commutron could be found riding various modes of Golden Megalopolis public transportation as a lifeless mannequin – always with a couple pf Paintaloonies nearby for easy recovery. Commutron suffered no vandalism problems, as a remote-controlled refried bean fart gas could be activated from Commutron’s ass module via remote control operated by the closest Paintaloony. This theory also dictates that Commutron’s “birth” at the albulm release party was performed by a MEMBER of the Paintaloonies DISGUISED as Presto Kadabra. This liberty was taken with the knowledge that the REAL Presto Kadabra would be grateful for any rumor about himself, as he is a chronically out of work/broke-ass magician. In theory (as in reality), he would relish in this sort of “free publicity” and frequently takes credit for anything with his name attached to it. To those looking for comments from any member of the Paintaloonies, good luck- They tend to reply to such questions with annoying riddles and unrelated parables. Commutron himself doesn’t comment much on anything-except how ineffective and incompetent the heroes of Golden Megalopolis are. To their faces. As mentioned before, Commutron always has fare due to a special feature on the Farewell Ray. In short, he steals other peoples’ fare without their knowledge. He is possessed with the speed and strength of 10 commuters on 20 pots of coffee. Because of this, he reigns supreme on any crowded transportation he chooses, and has no problems with muggers/vandals/etc. When Commutron desires to appear slightly incognito, he simply dons a trenchcoat and a typical businessman’s Fedora. The police helpess against him simply because Ghettoplis cops “don’t get paid enough to deal with that kinda crazy sheeyit.” Crate-Head Real Name: "Buschard" Arch-enemy: The Stache' The Villain known as Crate-Head began his career in crime in the early 80's as an importer of all things illegal. Back then he was simply known as Buschard. His crime syndicate operated near the north end of Lagoona Beach in upper Golden Megalopolis from abandonded warehouses and factories. His chief imports were: *Cuban cigarettes (not cigars! He needed an angle on the market!) *Bavarian sea donkey leather *Parisian silk from China *Illegal moonshine (not the legal kind!) *Shark skin suits (made from the finest of Blue Shark hide) For three years, Buschard prospered from his shady dealings, until he caught the attention of Rick "The Stache'" Rogers . During an important shippment of a mysterious Tuvan chemical compound, The Stache' ambushed his lair and shot a hanging crate down from a hoist on to Buschard's head. The crate became affixed to him, and he was unable to remove it. He fled blindly from the Liquid Nitrogen factory as it was set to release all of nitrogen vats contents. The Stache' was left frozen however. After that skirmish, Buschard disappeared from the criminal underworld, antil years later when a mysterious boss known only as "Crate-Head" began his crime spree across Golden Megalopolis. Unable to reveal his true face, Crate-Head seeks revenge on the "one who did this to me!" Diamond X Real Name: Gerard Franscoi de la Fronsac le Et Arch Enemy: Black Pigeon, Big Willie Johnson Hailing from Little France on the West side of Golden Megalopolis, the mysterious french assasin Diamond X or in his first language "Diamants Egz" ''is a master thief as well. He is fixiated on the diamond, it being the only object of fascination. His assasin blades are fashioned from said gems and are extremely valuable. It's too bad Diamond X is not as good a thrower as he is a thief. His precious gems are quickly dispatched with his lazy throwing, causing him to lose his favorite items, and roughly half a million dollars in gems each time. Targets who avoid getting hit, usually grab the weapons and come up wealthier than before. In fact, it's happened so much, that people try to ''encourage Diamond X to try and kill them. Everyone wants to get rich. Evizzle Fo' Shizzle Evizzle Fo' Shizzle is the black soul of Golden Megalopolis. He runs things from the dark shadows and pulls the strings of other criminals of the underworld when it suits his needs. His methods are based in the supernatural? The scientific? Nobody knows for sure if he even exists, or is a figment of the city's urban legends. None have seen his face in the light. It is not known what his real face may be. He has taken a special interest on the heroes of Golden Megalopolis. Will they be his foil? His pawns? Or will he set out to string them along until he crushes them with one devastating blow? His noted shennanigans started with the assembly of his "Fib-Field Generator", a massive chrome cannon that emitted a wave of hallucinatory energy, causing it's victim's mind to distort the way things look, driving them mad in the process. This would render important city officials unable to trust their own instincts and relinquish control to someone who could. Evizzle would assume control and run Golden Megalopolis his intended way. His device was activated from Monetary Island, but only was operational long enough to effect the Blue Brigade, Captain Commander's super hero quartet. Attempting to thwart his plan, the Brigade was destroyed from it's perverse effects, leaving only Captain Commander alive and Evizzle an escaped fugitive. Evil would turn up later to murder beloved baker Chip Napoleon Brown, after acquiring codes to a robot army hidden beneath the bakery of the latter. Fo' Shizzle used these "Drizzones" to wreak havoc in downtown Golden Megalopolis, unifying the city's available heroes to form the Poverty Pack and uncover some of his plan. Although never meeting face-to-face, Captain Commander suspected a familiar pattern from the crime. His plans for the run-down city are mysterious, as are his motivations. Those who've dealt with him are either dead, or in his servitude! King Krab Real Name: Sheldon Pinchov Arch-Enemy: ''Super Fabulous Frog King Krab has one goal and one goal alone: To make mankind suffer for their over-fishing and plundering of the seas. He operates (unbeknowest to most mortals) a chain of restaurants by the piers and docks of Golden Megalopolis. These "Seafood shacks" are front companies for their true intent: feeding spots for the ocean's predators. He runs these operations like a boss, even having humans as hired hand, with promises of riches. King Krab's descent into maddness started when he was a simple bottom-feeder, who wound up in a fishing trap. Gathered with his piers, Sheldon (as he was then-known), was brought aboard a fishing vessel and imprisoned for days. Assuming it was to be for being consumed, Sheldon was pulled from his collegues and discovered he was aboard a science vessel. There, he witnessed all maner of sea life being subjected to experimentation. Kool Myst Real Name: Chris Coolidge Chris Coolidge had always had a gland problem; hes pores would constantly perspire. However, his sweat was unlike any other's, as it would exit only from his palms and it was cold. The effect was not unlike the produce mist sprays at supermarkets. Teased throughout his youth gave him a severe social complex, and he retreated into the glamorous world of superheroes. He compaired himself to other DNAltered superhumans, and began to envision himself a crime-fighter one day. His "powers" were a gift, he decided. A hopeful pick for the Poverty Pack reserves, Chris voluntarily showed up at the YWCU (Y'outh '''W'ellfare 'C'enter for the 'U'nfortunate, the unofficial headquarters for the Poverty Pack) to audition as "Kool Myst". Instead of being welcomed with open arms, Whistle Man and Captain Commander found him to be completely useless, laughed at his hair, and slammed the door in his face. The straw that broke the camel's back, Kool Myst decided that "only freaks become the villains", and started his turn to crime. However, he is just as lame in that department as well, so he forever he remains embittered. Now, Kool Myst simply tries stupid ploys just to get noticed, be it by hero or villain. Le Coureur Real Name: Unknown Arch-Enemy: Black Pigeon, Aphro Physt Le Courer is the mysterious Human trafficker and pimp of Little France. The Schoolyards of Depardieu High are deemed unsafe for young women who are left to their lonesoome. At night, Le Coureur comes calling, promising them dreams of modeling, movie roles and fame. Those who fall under the power of Le Coureur's silver tongue, become victim to the cruel seedy world of prostitution, mail-order brides, and private dancers. Little is known about this masked criminal, aside for his amazing ability to run at olympic speeds, and perform parkour with ease. Operating for years under the tutalige of the Alabaster Association, Le Courer came into conflict with Aphro Physt and their newest protege, Black Pigeon. Mirth Minstrel Real Name: Conrad Quiverknife Arch-Enemy: Street Sweepah, Trash Talkah '' Conrad Quiverknife leads a life of fantasy. In this fantasy, he is the consummate Shakespearean hero, who inhabits realms of the renaissance era. He is dashing, brave and noble. He is also quick at the tongue. With a tongue as sharp as his, one could slit his own throat. Then, there is reality; Conrad Quiverknife was a pencil-necked, frail, drama club freak at Dr. Malcolm Crowe High School. Constantly picked on, Conrad delved into the rich works of Shakespeare, and immersed himself into the days when men wore tights on an everyday basis, and enjoyed feathers in their hats. Renaissance Faire is HIS Christmas season. That was his escape. He became so enthralled by stage plays; he became the school's finest actor. By senior year, he was head of the Drama club. It was that year that he planned his magnum opus: "King Lear 2: Lear's Revenge: The Musical". With the inevitable success of that stage production, Conrad will have put Dr. Malcolm Crowe High School on the map, and ensure him a scholarship to the esteemed Michael York School of Fine Acting. But alas, this was not meant to be. On the night of his life, while he was delivering his finest of lines, a menace, a fouls miscreant named Matt Marshalls leapt forth from the chorus behindeth he; Grasping thine microphone, he delivered a horried cocophony of putrid phrases, stopping thine shoeth, dead in thy tracks! Distrought, Conrad seethed with anger and contempt and vengence. His eyes, enraged with fire, spied Matthew's exit out the back lot of the school. He reached into his costume bag and found him his gun; he had been carrying throughout high school incase the day came that a feral jock comes calling for his blood.... But now, he was out for blood...and revenge! Changing back into his civilian clothes (his real costume, in his mind), he followed him out to the lot and saw an argument just finish between he and his best friend. Then, he seek advice from his elder. Conrad took aim, and fired. Without giving a second glance, he ducked into the shadows, satisfied with the cries of anguish behind him. Once home, Conrad discarded his "costume", and packed his renassiance clothes and left home, knowing he can never stay there again. Finding an abandoned Movie house, Conrad set up home there. He used the theatre room to perform his greatest works. Over time, his mind created his own personal audience, his own fellow actors, and his greatest character...The Minstrel of Mirth. Penny Pincher Real Name: Reginald Shilling Arch Enemy: Brown Wristband 'Presto Kadabra Real Name: Preston Qa'dib Presto Kadabra is the stage name of Preston Qa’dib, born of Saudi and Eastern European stock. He is a failed vaudeville-styled magician turned “supervillain” complete with Dracula cape and Fu Manchu mustache. He occasionally foils and confounds the heroes of Ghettoplois Golden Megalopolis with his embarrassingly cheap and corny magic tricks. Steakston The tail-less saurian Steakston burst forth from the ground, declaring "ROOOAAAAARR!!!". He then proceeded to rob a butcher's shop, proclaiming "I am Steakston! I steal Steaks!!!". From that day forth, the meat industry quivered in fear of the unrelenting force that is known as Steakston. Nobody knows the origin of this voracious beast, who must feed on beef, poultry and pork. But there are many theories: *A remnant of the Jurassic era, Steakston was genetically altered to an advanced state by visiting humanoids from the distant future. These experiments increased his brain capacity, but in exchange, rid him of his tail. *An alien himself, Steakson hails from the cold planet Carnivore V, where a race of sauropod beings constantly feast on a churrascaria until their food supply is null. The surviving Carnivorians (NOT Carnivores) abandon their world in search of a new Carnivore VI. *An amusement park attraction gone wrong, Steakston wrenched itself free from the "Escape from the Dinosaur" ride at Merry Land and malfunctioned. It roams the streets mimicking Texans. This is the more plausable and commonly agreed upon origin. In his quest for protein, Steakston has come at odds with many heroes of Golden Megalopolis, especially the Poverty Pack. Although blood-thirsty, Steakston has never been known to attack a human being for meat. It's just raw steaks that floats this ones' ichythosaurus. Urbanus The mysterious Urbanus is not ONLY the Devourer Of Soul Food Restaurants, He also goes by the kicknames: “Urbanus the Soul-Eater”, “He-Who-Stole-The-Soul”,And “Dat Fat-Ass Muhfugga”. Urbanus is a being of immense hunger whose sole purpose of existence is, of course, to devour as many soul food shacks as possible. He knows no compassion, no morals, no restraint. Before he descends upon a city containing a soul food district, he usually sends a herald beforehand to promote his arrival. Past heralds have included Ghettoblaster (a late 70’s/early 80’s throwback who could decimate a city block with his boombox) and Highflyer (clad in homless rags, relentlessly handing out and pasting up flyers in a drug-induced dementia). These heralds have been accidentally defeated by Golden Megalopolis’ heroes, thus delaying Urbanus’ arrival (he refuses to make an appearance without any prior hype on the street or media coverage). War-Guilder Real Name: Harold Geraldthumb|194px|link=File:Wg.png Harold Gerald is addicted to the computer game World of Warguilds. In an attempt to play continuously, he moved his fridge and computer set up into his bathroom. Yes, he can eat and shit while playing. After his 100th day of playing straight, the combination of leaking water from the fridge, noxious fumes of the toilet and faulty wiring on his computer caused an explosion, hence making him the War Guilder, a severly disturbed man-child who takes orders from, yes, you guessed it, a Sacagawea coin that he kept in his pocket that has somehow come to life and is giving him his missions or quests. These would involve bizzare robberies, wherein the money collected would be viewed as gold and experience points. Trivia *The characters of Commutron, Presto Kadabra and Urbanus were all contributions of Derek's oldest brother David Lipscomb. Diamond X is a reworking of a character he created back in the 70's named simply "The Burgler". Derek re-worked him, keeping most of the costume elements, but giving him his French background. *Kool Myst, a creation of Derek's 2nd oldest brother Darin, was created a few years prior to the creation of the Poverty Pack. Derek felt his ludicrous character fit in well, so he was included. Darin also contributed Steakston, a character he also created in his youth. *Evizzle Fo' Shizzle was designated the honor of being the ultimate baddie in the Poverty Pack Universe (a la' Dr. Doom).